I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
