I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
