No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize