i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
