12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
