Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize