and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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