Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
