I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
