I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
