i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
