just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it's like iHOP with fire
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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