Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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