Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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