1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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