thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
