you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
