Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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