You made me cry and you don't even care
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
