I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My breasts were aching with rage.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
