And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize