I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
