I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
