i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
