I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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