They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
