Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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