At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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