Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
where does the pee come out of this thing
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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