Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
