What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
