Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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