Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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