we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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