how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
