She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
