Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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