that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I need water and some morals
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
