I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
