This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
