i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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