Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
