to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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