The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
