is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
