Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
