do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
