The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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