Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
