Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
