Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
