two words: eviction party
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
