eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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