I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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