I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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