Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
