so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
