I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
