last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
