i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i need some magic done to my vagina
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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