I wish I only lived at night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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