anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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