Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
