They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
