it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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