its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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