I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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