Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
