she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
