nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
