The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
