I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
