Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
