So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
