i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
