the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
