If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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