if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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